Knowing…

Which came first…the chicken or the egg…knowing the source origin of a thing can bring peace of mind…for many years I had an anger problem and still do…but it is now manageable because I spent twenty+ years identifying it and only recently discovered its origin…I’ve never much liked to be touched by humans…and particularly those who throw themselves on you…and as a child it was horrifying to me…boys are thrown into contact sports to make them more male I think…but all I wanted to do was be left to my own devices…I was a cute kid so someone was always trying to touch me for one reason or another..ug…over time…as I took control of my space…I forced myself to hug people…I figured I’d get them before they got me…but alas…I’m still not comfortable with humans…with all the suffering and unknown baggage they carry with them…I still find it difficult to be in a space larger than the one I’ve put around myself…there is the source of my anger…always being forced to be in the company of humans…and soooo much baggage….Buddhism has helped in that I do have compassion for the experiences of others and try to keep a clear mind when dealing with the subtleties of their behavior…even as an adult…I have residual anger and have to monitor my behavior…life on planet earth can be a struggle…its no wonder St. Francis turned to animals…if you can find peace in knowing the source of your discomforts…then you are on the road to peace…

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